A Boomer’s Review of the MAFS Finale


20 April 2021

Note: the real author is far handsomer than this stock image would have you believe. Photo by MART PRODUCTION on Pexels.com

It’s fair to say that I’m an unlikely person to review MAFS. I’m a 62-year-old man who usually has a disdain for any of the reality programs, and my best guess is that MAFS is as close to the bottom of the barrel as it gets.

No matter, it was time to put aside my prejudices, fire up the tv, and suck up the emotional tumble that is MAFS. I guess initially I struggled to get a handle on what would make any of the “contestants” want to be part of a potential humiliation on national TV? Did any of them really think that this was the shortcut to love/romance/happiness etc?

Anyway, I push on. The process appeared to be to make each of the “married couples” sit on a lounge and answer questions all of which were really “how do you feel?” The answers varied significantly but most were pretty cringeworthy. Aiding and abetting the cringeworthy nature of the answers was music designed to amplify the mood. Adding to the backdrop of the questions we had the contestants who weren’t being interviewed at the time, whispering in the background, rolling their eyes, feigning surprise and on occasions showing indignant outrage. Sam (the bloke who was paired with Coco) was a go-to for the cameras to catch the rolling eyes and indignation. He was damn good at it!

In terms of the contestants, I felt they could be put into three categories.

1) In the conniving bracket Bryce was clearly the champion. I suspect MAFS loved the idea of a suss playboy type. Sleazy, witty and with a bit of swagger, Bryce was your man. Also in this group was Cameron, but his eclectic skill set meant that you could put him in any category really. He turned out to be pretty grubby and certainly had the corniest line of the night when describing his fascination and sneaky dalliance with Coco. In a backhander to his assigned partner Samantha, he used the magic line “I have rice bubbles now but I might have Coco pops later”! Boom boom, nice one Cam.

2) The sad bracket definitely included Samantha who seems to have been dumped for Coco by bad boy Cameron. Also, Jake appeared to be handling his rejection pretty badly. It seemed that Bec’s dog’s ill health and a sneaky recorded kiss of Bec with an old flame was the start of the end for Jake. Just for the record, how MAFS had a camera to record the sneaky kiss puzzles me, but whatever. I’m just going to assume that MAFS goes beyond the normal call of duty to bring the facts out.

3) Speaking of dogs the third category is the dumb as dog shit category. Potentially it had several members, but I have to say that Coco and Bec we really were the champions of the group. Cameron would also be a worthy candidate though he appears to have been prominent in the first two categories.

Did you know: the experts were previously called “the psychologists” until they were sued by a contestant for psychological distress.

As for the hosts, it was a great gig for all three of them. Sorry I don’t know their names, but I’ll do my best to set the scene. The woman with the big blue dress who sounded like Melania Trump asked the deep question “how do you feel?”. The stern looking bloke appeared to be drilling into the contestants’ souls while demanding to know “how they feel”. The happy blonde lady, smiled beautifully and then asked them “how do you feel?” I wonder how much they were paid?

So, did I enjoy the show? Hard to answer really, but I did make it to the very end. I have to say it was a very long 89 minutes and it felt like I was listening to teenagers recounting their experience at school-camp. I’m not convinced I’ll be watching any more MAFS, but I made it through one episode, and I think that’s an achievement.

Girls Locker Room Talk: art, articles and entertainment by women, for women (and everyone else)

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